I don't even know ehy this still bothers me, really, I don't know. It's hard to believe that, after all this time, I'm still expecting to be their number one priority.
I'm not.
I was Her first priority. Now she's gone. I can't get her back. I don't even dare to tell her again "I love you". It's been so hard. It still is so fucking hard.
Lying alone in my bedroom I try to calm down, stop crying, stop screaming out in fear and despair. I don't want to be alone. I want to be loved, to be protected, to be someone's brightest diamond.
I miss her so much. I feel so much pain when she talks to me like a very distant, distant friend. I miss kissing her. I miss her sense of humor. I miss her curly wild hair. I miss her big, lighted brown eyes. I miss the soft curve of her hips and her hipster glasses. I miss her clothes, her natural scent... I miss her parents, and her brother, and her aunts and uncles. I miss her art all over the house, her painted fingertips, the color spry over the table.
Should've take her when I could. Didn't want to disappoint my mom so I stayed with a boy, a good boy whose love I barely stand. I want Her love. If I could get back in time, I'd choose her. Instead, I'm here, the unhappy model bride waiting home alone, with no boyfriend and no mother, and no father and no family at all. I'm alone here, waiting, another night.
She was the only one who could stay with me even when she wasn't next to me. Her soul and warm love was enough to feel like there was some hope remaining... just for another night.
